Thursday, May 14, 2009

I think there's something seriously wrong with me

I'm having a rough day today. I'm not sure why. I often do, it seems. How do people have more than one kid? How do they not go crazy all the time? What is wrong with me that I never feel in control of the one tiny one I have?
Yesterday we got to a new stage: Chloe has decided that she doesn't want to eat when the spoon is in her hand. She either throws it drops it on the floor. We had been giving her to spoon to feed herself, and she had been doing great. Until yesterday. It's so frustrating. Seriously, how do people do this? I really don't feel like I was cut out for this. Aren't moms supposed to be patient and loving? One of the largest parts of my personality is the ability to get frustrated at the drop of a hat. (Stupid hat! Stay up already!) I hate that about myself, have been working on it for 28+ years now, and it is still exactly the same, pretty sure.
Isaac has suggested putting her in daycare. I'm a stay-at-home-mom. That would be like going to work, and then paying someone else to actually do the work that you are being paid to do. (but without the pay, and all the getting up at night, and the LOOOONNNNG days that never end.) I suck at my job, and today, I really don't like it. I feel like this makes me a horrible person. Really, I think there's something wrong with me.
We do have fun. Chloe is very silly, and loves to clap, and cuddle, and pester the cat. She's thisclose to crawling. She just cut her 5th tooth. And can I just say how much I want to eat her cheeks? but, this is hard. WAY harder than anything I've ever done, or ever expected it to be. It doesn't help that she's currently screaming.
I'm so whiny. But really, is there something wrong with my brain? I think there might be.

ps. Isaac stole my lunch today. That doesn't make things any better. I was really looking forward to eating it! And he had a lunch meeting! So, he took it, and isn't going to eat it. I'm ready to go back to bed.

1 comment:

  1. OK so I just found that you have this blog..and you last wrote in it last year and were having a really hard time being a mommy!! I really hope it has gotten easier for you. and you are correct it is a really hard job but oh so rewarding!! I hope you are doing good and you should keep blogging- it's good for us to get things out and to be able to go back and re-read about our life and how much we have grown!! Love ya!