I have been thinking a lot about what it means to have a head-over-heels, in love relationship with Jesus. This is something I want, or rather, want to want. Lately, I HAVE truly wanted this. So, I've been trying to remember what falling in love with my husband was like. What did I want? How did I act? I wanted to spend all my time with him; I wanted to know everything about him; I wanted to meet those people that made him who he was, and I wanted to be an encouragement and blessing to him.
Then I began to examine my relationship with Jesus. Are these characteristics part of that relationship? Unfortunately, at this time, no. Not all the time, at least. If the relationship with the Lord is not an "in love" marriage type relationship, what is it? I had a huge "ah-ha" moment a few weeks ago. I feel like, or act like, I am in an arranged marriage with Him. What a light bulb that was! Think about it. I grew up in the church with believing parents, and of course they wanted me to be with Jesus. We became betrothed when I was 5 and first accepted Him into my heart. My faith was there, but it was still mostly my parents'. When my faith became real, my own, in high school, that was when we got married. I wanted to marry Him- it made sense, especially considering the alternatives. Arranged marriages work for most people that enter them correctly- with respect and honor for the person your parents have chosen. They would not knowingly choose poorly for their child- they want what is best. I do respect and honor the Lord. I even have glimpses of deep love and affection for Him. I would hope so! We have been together a long time! But, I have realized that deep, all-consuming love that most marriages have is missing. And that's not good enough. I take that as a good sign.
I WANT to fall in love with Him and be surrounded by everything He has for me- to step out in faith and be vulnerable, and willing to let Him see all of me, the good and the ugly. We have been polite long enough. Real love is exciting and messy. It's adventurous and scary. (Sure there are times of monotony, but those shouldn't just be the norm. I can, and want to expect more.) The rewards for sticking it out are immeasurable. I am seeing more and more qualities in Jesus that I want- my crush is deepening. I can't wait until I am able to say "I love You" with true, reckless abandon and mean it with every fiber of my being. Even arranged marriages can become love matches.